As the world becomes more chaotic and uncertain, having an escape plan is becoming increasingly important in case things go awry. But let’s be real. Escaping a toxic relationship can be as daunting as escaping a zombie apocalypse.
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Escape Planning 101
Since you should always have an escape plan, no matter the situation, here are 10 sure-fire ways to leave your lover, even if they are a bit dramatic.
1. The “James Bond” Escape
Hire a helicopter, rappel down from the roof of your building, and fly away into the sunset while your soon-to-be-ex-lover watches in awe. Bonus points if you can do it in a tuxedo.
2. The “Houdini” Escape
Disappear without a trace, leaving only a note saying, “I’ve gone to join the circus.” Your lover will spend the rest of their life wondering if you’ve actually become a circus performer or if you’re just really good at disappearing.
3. The “Jurassic Park” Escape
Build a giant fence around your house, fill it with dinosaurs, and let nature take its course. Your lover will either be eaten by a T-Rex or be too scared to stick around.
4. The “Mission Impossible” Escape
Set up a complex system of lasers, motion sensors, and security cameras to protect your escape route. Bonus points if you can do it without breaking a sweat.
5. The “Harry Potter” Escape
Use your magic wand to apparate away to safety. Your ex will be left wondering if they were dating a wizard or just losing their mind.
6. The “Indiana Jones” Escape
Navigate through a series of booby traps and obstacles to reach the safety of the outside world. Bonus points if you can do it while wearing a fedora.
6. The “Breaking Bad” Escape
Fake your own end-of-life moment and start a new life under a new identity. Your toxic loved one will think you’re a goner and move on, allowing you to live your real life in peace.
8. The “Batman” Escape
Build a secret underground lair complete with a batmobile and all the latest gadgets. Your ex will never find you, and you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re the coolest person on the planet.
9. The “Willy Wonka” Escape
Create a magical candy factory and invite your lover on a tour. When they fall asleep, sneak away through the chocolate river and leave them to wake up in a world of pure imagination.
10. The “Shawshank Redemption” Escape
Dig a tunnel under your house, crawl through the sewer system, and emerge on the other side a free person. Your ex will never see it coming.
While we hope none of our readers ever have to use these escape plans, it’s always good to be prepared for the worst. Just remember to stay safe, stay sane, and always have a backup plan.
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This article was produced by Our Woven Journey. Featured Image Credit: Lucasfilm Ltd.